How does one deal with loneliness while living in paradise? Solitude does not discriminate based on geography or age. Our global population is ageing. This means that we currently have a higher proportion of older people relative to younger age groups. The United Nations Population Division reported in 2020, that for the first time in history, there were more people aged 65 or over than children under 5 years old. By 2030 (within the next 10 years), they estimate that 1 in 6 people globally will be aged 60 years or over. This translates to roughly 1.4 billion people or 23% of the global population.
Mexico, without listing the extensive list of reasons why, attracts its fair share of expatriates (expats) over the age of 60 every year. Some live here full-time. Others fall into the snowbird category. Living in La Paz opened my eyes to a reality within the retired expat community that is as alarming as it is heartbreaking. While this may not be the reality of everyone here, I have spoken to dozens of people in preparation for this article to know it is the reality of many.
You might also like
One may ask what one can complain about when they basically live in paradise with sun, sand and margaritas. It’s the dream retirement life for some. But for others, social isolation can creep in, making paradise feel a bit empty. On one side we have your typical, postcard-perfect retired couple, with the extended family that visits on holidays, grandpa playing golf while grandma lunches with her expat ladies’ group. While this is probably true for many, it accounts for one part of a much bigger picture. With life expectancy on the rise, at 60, many people still have another 30-plus years on this earth. Many of these people, whether married, single or widowed, face new challenges as they age. Moving to a new country and starting a life over in a different country, learning a new language and all the excitement that accompanies this post-retirement transition is by far the easiest part of this journey.
How does one deal with the sudden dementia or Parkinson's diagnosis of a long-term partner? How does one cope with going through ‘growing old pains’ while being thousands of miles away from the rest of their families and core support system? In many cases, I was told, people find it very difficult to have authentic emotional support and these unprocessed emotional burdens get heavier as they age. Very quickly that vibrant, ready-to-embrace life, freshly retired person, starts to fade within and shut down. Sure, people are more social here. It is warmer year-round. Easier to be in the sun, go for a walk, be in nature, watch the sunset or enjoy live music every day, but none of these really matter if the person has emotionally checked out. As one person told me: “I feel so disconnected from my friends back home. How can I complain to them about my issues when I should be grateful for my blessings? Most of my friends are still in the US and they have real problems.” Like this person, many minimize their struggles, harboring guilt and shame around expressing their reality as is.
I am barely scratching the surface with this article. Its impact on our society is a whole other conversation. The good news is that there are multiple solutions to deal with this, the first being an honest open dialogue about it, which I trust this article provides. There is no shame or guilt about having your emotional needs met even if you live in paradise. Take this as your reminder to make the time to have real conversations with the people around you. There is such a thirst for genuine friendships and connections. We are all looking and craving the same things. As we age and live longer, we all need to continuously invest our time, energy and effort in creating a solid supported ecosystem within our communities.
The current generation of expats over 60 in Baja moved to Mexico primarily from the United States and Canada. This generation’s values, upbringing and mindset have been heavily influenced by historical events such as the Great Depression, World War II, the civil rights movement and the Vietnam War. A generation that lacks mental health hygiene, holistic health education and emotional wellness literacy. Who’s to blame for this? No one, really. It is a generation that ran on survival mode for most of their life out of necessity. When faced with the reality of their retirement, the multiple unprocessed emotional traumas that they kept buried for decades often resurfaces and without the proper tools or guidance, many are at a loss.
The good news is multiple tools can be incorporated into our daily life to overcome these challenges. First things first. Find your tribe! Whether it's a book club or a pickleball tournament (hey, it's a thing!), there are groups out there waiting to welcome you with open arms. Technology can be your friend too. Use that magic of the internet to stay close to loved ones back home. But remember, there's a difference between scrolling through someone's perfectly curated vacation pics and having a real heart-to-heart conversation. Journaling is another one of my favorites. There is an underrated power in transferring your thoughts onto paper. It is worth noting that not all tools will resonate with everyone and you have to try them out with a non-judgmental approach.
If finding your own tools and self-regulating your emotions is too overwhelming for you, remember that professionals are available to guide you through this and there is absolutely no shame in seeking help.
If you are about to retire or are in your 60s, I invite you to ponder on these two questions: How do I want to spend the next 30-plus years of my life and what do I need to do today to turn that into a reality?
I am not claiming to have all the solutions. It is a reality that we collectively need to work on. As a holistic mental health professional, I work one-on-one with individuals to help them navigate these tough questions and guide them accordingly. To continue this conversation, connect with me on Instagram @naailahauladin or my website: www.naailahauladin.com
