Tales From the Hood

 Tales From the Hood


Bettie Davis so famously said, “Getting old ain’t for sissies.”  Have you noticed the people who are always working out are the ones getting surgery and procedures? My idea of working out is watching my house boy make my late afternoon Bloody Mary, while I yell at the news on the TV. When you are watching TV reruns, you realize everyone in the show is long dead? I quit running when Jim Fix dropped dead of a heart attack at 52 … remember him? I was in “the business” my whole life and knew hundreds of show biz folks … so when they announce it, it has a jarring effect on you. “He was two years younger than me!” you find yourself saying. Robbie Coltrane, Olivia Newton-John, Ray Liotta, Meat Loaf, and Kirstie Alley, are among the people who I actually knew or worked with, who sadly died just this year. Now I knew or met hundreds of people in “the business”, so I can watch pretty much anything without seeing dead people talking.

Los Cabos is the perfect place to grow old. There is what I like to call, “wiggle room” here, unlike living in the U.S. Say for instance you get stopped by a cop, and you have had a few drinks. If you know what to do, it is no problem. One night I even had a policeman drive me home … and he wanted to do it, just to be nice as I was not that drunk. Think of the consequences if that happened on the 405 in Los Angeles. IF it was your third time, you are going to prison. Forget the expenses and time sweating it out in high anxiety. Taxes? Fogetaboutit! If you have a good accountant, you will pay taxes, but nothing like the real world. Need someone to help you around? You can get a nice honest, caring person to clean up, make your meals, and go to the store. A person like that in the USA actually exists, but they are not genuinely connected to your soul. Add to that, the cost is prohibitive. Your help here becomes part of your family and it is a pleasure to help them with their lives… all for ten cents on the dollar. I love Los Cabos… and I have been around.

Smart investors here in the real estate business can expect a return on their property in eight to ten years. In the meantime, they enjoy the property now and then and cash flow. Just stay away from anything that requires a formal presentation. Look around, especially on the beaches… compare those prices to say Malibu in the 1970s, and today. Homes on Carbon Beach in Malibu today are worth millions, if fact a million ain’t enough, I rest my case. Investing in beach-related property here is to my mind, the same… if you have twenty or thirty years in you, buy anything close to the beach here, and sit back.

I am 74, and I feel fine with a little help of $75,000 of drugs Walgreens sends me via my broker, Postall Nox, run by the fabulous Lizeth Herrera, which delivers them to me right here at my front door. I have been with them for over ten years. Call her or you can contact them at 664 683 7800. They not only deliver my medications, but they also deliver anything… Some of these drugs come from big-time pharma and they are advertised on TV with the side effect warnings clearly spelled out.  You have heard them before. The narrator is reading them when his voice drops and picks up speed… my favorite is “If you feel like going home and killing your whole family and then committing suicide, you may want to contact your doctor.”

Los Cabos has a great collection of Doctors and hospitals. Most house calls are about $75 and they bring a big bag of tools. This is particularly great if you are a hypochondriac like me. Have you ever had your ears cleaned out professionally? If you are like me and used Q Tips for 50 years and are having trouble hearing, have Doctor Mike 322 157 6565 come over to your home and enjoy a Bloody Mary while Dr. Mike goes inside your head with his wax mining tools and voila, you can hear again! Now that he is already there and you have 45 minutes of his time left, might as well get a full old guy check-up.  Fortunately, Dr. Mike brings his portable hospital in a large bag and short of open-heart surgery, can do just about anything. Sometimes those checkups can save your life … capish? So how much would it cost in say Los Angeles to have a Doctor come to your home and clean your ears? Now you know why we live here in paradise… it is not just the scenery.

In Cabo you can get a great meal at the taco truck across the street from McDonald’s, for less than $5… or you can go to Ruth Chris and get a plate of $90 lamb chops… want some spinach with those chops, add $15, and a glass of wine? Time to move some money around. my point is we have something for everyone here. I had a $28,000 bar tab there when my team won a fishing contest. We have a marina full of super yachts, and an airport packed with private jets so much so that we are building a new one to hold the overload. At the same time you can get by here on a decent Social Security check… just don’t go to Edith’s for the $20 enchiladas. I have pals who put their kids through the school system here and they turned out well. So there it is … Los Cabos, is a real paradise where we have a seat on the 50-yard line to watch the USA descend into political anarchy and chaos. Worried about Global Warming? Go to Solomon’s Landing and have two double skinny Margaritas… tell them El Mondo send you and get a 10% discount. Enjoy … after all, having fun is the only thing left in your senior years’.

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