So, Do You Think You Have The Right Stuff?

The right blood, that is, and are you healthy enough to give? Here are some pointers.

Probably not if you have a fever or a productive cough, (you’re bringing up icky stuff). Probably not if you do not feel completely perky on the day of donation. Probably you should wait until you have completed antibiotic treatment for sinus, throat, lung infections, or that smelly stuff coming out of your smelly parts.

Probably you’re still good to go if you have well controlled diabetes.

Probably not if you’re a man who has gotten it on with another man any time since 1977. Yes, even that one time when you were so drunk you were a bit gender confused. It only takes once to mess up your blood with AIDS.

You must be at least 17 years old and there is no upper age limit for blood donation as long as you are generally well with no restrictions or limitations to your activities.

High blood pressure is acceptable as long as your blood pressure is below 180/100 at the time of donation. Yikes! If it’s that high, they won’t need to pump it out of you, it will gush out by itself as soon as they puncture the hole into you.  Medications for high blood pressure do not disqualify you from donating. Well, if you’re on pills for high blood pressure and it’s still that high, take another pill, hellloooo.

Probably not if you have had a tongue, nose, belly button or genital piercing in the past 12 months. (Genital piercing? They do that?) Donors with pierced ears are eligible. Now what’s the difference we don’t know. Seems like a poke is a poke. Are they observing social niceties here, or scientific based pronouncements, or no?

You need to weigh at least 110 pounds because blood volume is in proportion to body weight. Donors who weigh less than that might keel over from giving a whole pint.  (Well, why don’t they just take a half a pint out of a half pint? They need us to think of these things?)  There is no upper weight limit as long as you don’t weight more than the donor bed or lounge you are lying on. Huh? What’s that have to do with the price of tea in China? Who makes up these rules anyway?

 You should eat a full meal at least four hours prior to donation and drink plenty of fluids.

So go. Seems like they will take almost anyone, and anyway, if they turn you down, they do it so sweetly, they about kill you with kindness. And you still get the box of juice and the cookies. And you still get the tour of the cool new hospital. What’s the down side?

H+ hosptial out on the corridor is passing the needle for blood. And we deny we just used the n word.