My God, How Hot Is It?

It's so hot...I saw a chicken lay an omelette

It's so hot... I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with pot holders

It's so hot... I saw a funeral procession pull thru a Dairy Queen

It's so hot... Jehovah's Witnesses started telemarketing

It's so hot... I saw the devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner

It's so hot... You can wash and dry your clothes at the same time

It's so hot... I saw two trees fighting over a dog

It's so hot... Cows are giving powdered milk

It's so hot... My thermometer goes up to "Are you kidding me?"

It's so hot... I bought a loaf of bread and before I got home it was toast

It's so hot... I got condensation on my butt from the water in the toilet bowl

It’s so hot...my Reese's peanut butter cups turned into Reese's peanut butter shooters

It’s so hot...my change melted into a medallion in my purse

It’s so hot… my dream house is any house in Alaska.

It’s so hot…cows are giving evaporated milk.

It’s so hot… I saw a bird pull a worm out of the ground with an oven mitt.

It’s so hot…chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.

It’s so hot…they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.

It’s so hot…polar bears are wearing sunscreen.

It’s so hot…I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.

It’s so hot…I started putting ice-cubes in my waterbed.

It’s so hot…Siri asked to be dipped in a glass of ice water

It’s so hot… bums are holding signs that read, “Will work for shade.”

It’s so hot…hot water comes out of both taps.

It’s so hot…you can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top.

It’s so hot…you discover that in July, it takes only two fingers to drive your car.

It’s so hot…you discover that you can get a sunburn through your car window.

It’s so hot…your biggest fear of a wreck on the fourlane is, "What if I get knocked out and end up lying on the pavement and cook to death?"

It’s so hot…you eat hot chiles to cool off your mouth.